FAIL Week (Also, Cheetos)

After travelling a lot for last few weeks and having both exams and a long week and half of travelling coming up, I figured I'd lay low this weekend.  Relax.  Study a bit.  Maybe catch up on some reading.

Yet, there's a point in your weekend when you realize you may have misappropriated the creeping, destructive potential of a lot of free time.  For me this was a few moments ago when I realized that instead going to out to buy more fruit, I had decided to dip a second granola bar into the nutella jar and use that as a garnishment for my dinner.

No really; that just happened.

The only really productive thing I did this week was completing my application for the TAPIF (Teaching Assistant Position in France).  I did this yesterday.  It was due today.  I've been working on the draft for the statement for a few weeks, but I didn't actually complete the application until the day before it was due.  

It's not just this weekend either.  All this week, my once exuberant discipline on learning in France has all but wilted.  I skipped class for the first time this week, which is something I usually never do, even in the States.  I also decided to forego both of my martial arts classes this week.  Why?  Because mind you own damn business, that's why!  Furthermore, I've stopped the courtesy of listening to my music headphones , a habit that I'm still surprised to find hasn't elicited any complaint from neighbors.  

Typed "angry man" into the Google Images search bar to find  a funny picture to illustrate the comment about my neighbors' potential complaints.  This came up instead.

What happened?  I felt like a paragon of studiousness and initiative at the beginning of the program, and now I feel like useless goo.  I could say that one of the culprits is the semester time frame.  Usually, I'd be well into a new quarter by now, replete with new classes, interests, and challenges.  Instead, everything is still the same, and I am a person who gets bored without some variety in his life.

Nathan with variety in his life. 

Nathan without variety in his life.

I could also say that the weather is to blame.  It's cold now, and I've officially retired my spring jacket for the year.  In addition, there's no snow, one of the things I've always liked about winter.  There's only the sylphic cold biting at your nerves.  It's hard to get motivated with something like that flitting about.

Hell, I could even tell you that my reason for skimping on my typical duties this week is due to the fact that I've deliberately stayed in to study for exams that are coming up.  Indeed, this was what I told myself at the beginning of the week.  Need to buckle down for those pesky tests.

Too bad I haven't studied one bit this week.  Not a minute.  And why would I?  They don't begin until Monday the 23rd (except for that one this Thursday, but we won't talk about that now).  Why study when you read Cracked.com for hours on end or listen to your copy of Secret Treaties or your B-52s greatest hits album again?

They are in my library.  I am not shamed.

Clearly, the problem isn't extenuating circumstances.  The problem is my lack of motivation.  As to why I'm unmotivated, I suppose there's no particularly reason.  I experience bumps of gooey uselessness every now and then, but that fact that it's in France, where there certainly isn't a lack of variety, the weather isn't really all the bad, and continuing to procrastinate even after you've cleared time to study is still irresponsible, makes the   feeling all the more pervasive and draining.  It's amazing how exhausting getting up at 2pm can be.  It's not a good thing.

I didn't have any resolutions for the New Year, but I think that I will make a resolution for this week.  No more laziness and putting things off.  It's time to get things done and go outside.  There's only a few weeks of this left, and there's no time to waste. 

But then again.